SILENT THOUGHTS

…

I don’t understand.

I can’t think.

-Writer’s block-

…

Those moments that you’re just too hopeless and tired, you just sit in the corner and cry.

A Random Note

You said you love the sun

but you cover your eyes when it shines.

You said you love the rain

but you open your umbrella when it pours.

You said you love the wind

but you close your window when it blows.

That’s why I felt afraid

when you said you love me.

“Oh no. It’s not me.”

‘Cause I’m using you and you’re using me.

It’s not easy as we thought it be.

…

I come pass this and can’t help but to think again and again.

graciouswords:

He hid his thoughts in a
collection of tattered pages,
each one worn with pride;
a coagulated lifeless ink of
ages where memories reside.
Bound by weather beaten
faded carmine, imprisoning
words born of razors edge,
tattooed, the lessons of a
lifetime, decisions made
and words unsaid. 

 

From Where You Are

So far away from where you are 
These miles have torn us worlds apart 
And I miss you, yeah I miss you 

So far away from where you are 
I’m standing underneath the stars 
And I wish you were here 

I miss the years that were erased 
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face 
I miss all the little things 
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me 
Yeah I miss you 
And I wish you were here 

I feel the beating of your heart 
I see the shadows of your face 
Just know that wherever you are 
Yeah I miss you 
And I wish you were here 

I miss the years that were erased 
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face 
I miss all the little things 
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me 
Yeah I miss you 
And I wish you were here 

So far away from where you are 
These miles have torn us worlds apart 
And I miss you, yeah I miss you 
And I wish you were here.

Seriously, I am not upset. :)

Turned 18, so what?

It’s just another random day.

I never really cared. Or maybe I stopped caring long before. Traditions and all in line with such seem so stressful to me. My phone dies because of the numerous people calling me and greeting me and chatting me and… I never wanted to make a big deal out of it. I just get tired.

I never planned for anything, I just wanted to sit and relax and just drink coffee. I did so. I wasted my day technically through soliciting from professors from different departments at school. This tires me yet I don’t care.

Only few knew as I intended it to be. I wanted a quiet time. I wanted to reflect on my life today. I just wanted to be alone.

And this is the only wish that came true.

I don’t know if I should be thankful or not. But feel both. Thankful cause I’ve finally able to answer this long-time question to myself: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Elizabeth Wurtzel was flowing in me right now, that black wave she so talks about—it follows me now.

In the end, it all comes down to this—sleep and tears.

You’re Just Another Ghost

It’s an extremely frustrating fact that you’re just an ‘another’.

It’s weird how easily people can move forward when they’ve run out of choices. (Yes, we do run out of choices. We do so very often to the point that we’re forced to accept things we’ve never thought of—or even reproached back then. For if our existence was never a choice made us, what makes us think we have unlimited choices or alternatives in this world. Of course, one can argue otherwise. But there is some truth to such statement. We are determined beings—and at this point, those who have proposed this are correct.) Fact is, you can’t run after everything (or anyone) who chooses to leave. When one chooses, you limit another’s.

Why do you have to come back? Why do you need to keep haunting me? Have we not had enough? Why do you keep coming back?

It ended back then. It was soon. It was vague. But still, it ended.

You chose to be free, to be out of my life. I chose to let it be. We’ve agreed on indifference, and it’s been like that ever since. I never thought of proper goodbyes.  I was not bothered by such thoughts. I don’t understand why you are though up till now. Is it because you know you’re guilty? That you’re instincts told you you’ve done something unbearable to others? Why does it matter, I ask you now? It doesn’t undo everything that was triggered by your actions, your choices. You were a coward. And all cowards need time to eventually be strong. But cowards never have strength through that process. Cowards become strong when they’re able to justify and stand up to their choices, never look back. People tell me this is a very wrong notion? Is it? I don’t think so. For how do we really measure and define strength.

Nevertheless, I still know you. And I’ve seen this coming. But you are now just an ‘another’ to me, as you have considered me as an ‘another’. This is not revenge. No, it isn’t. This is my choice to not acknowledge anymore.

For I will admit it never went away—and we both know what never went away.

This is not revenge. And for that reason, learn to forgive yourself. I have already forgiven. You. Myself.

So allow me to be indifferent. And you be stuck in another place. The bridge has been destroyed, gone for years. Please just stay as a ghost in my past.

You are just an ‘another’ now.